After Auschwitz Affirmation is Barbaric

We are attempting a prolonged meditation on what we are doing when we think in terms of a “desiring of one’s own repression.”

I come to a point in this meditation where I must reflect on what I am doing when I exercise “self-hatred.”

In order to understand what “desiring one’s own repression” means, I must try to understand what it means when I can’t stand myself, and whether it could ever be possible to affirm “self-hatred.”

To affirm self-hatred: in other words, whether there is anywhere in the universe an ability to respond actively to this… or whether self-hatred is some kind of zero degree of being… an ultimate impasse.

Self-hatred seems to be expressed as impasse – It can’t act in the form of self-hatred, even, as it rapidly devolves into hatred of self-hatred…which rapidly devolves into hatred of hatred of self-hatred, and so on.

In self-hatred I could wound or maim myself… I could kill myself. Somehow, suicide is not my vision of what constitutes “affirmation” or “responding actively” but if we are going to radically question “affirmation” perhaps we need to keep open the possibility that it is.

This does look very much as if we're reaching a point where we'd want to seriously entertain some notion of raving insanity being the highest moment of sanity: the schizophrenic as the hero of desire?