Subsumption and Repression
If there was a "me" and if there was a "my desire" everything would be a lot easier.
I would sit myself down next to my upwelling desire and let it pour over me and then carry me away to do and to be all the things I could do and be.
However things went, good or bad, painfully or pleasurably, I wouldn't have to think about it. I would have what I desired, I would do what I desired, and I would be what I desired.
“I” don't have an “I” and “I” don't have "my desire."
I am worked and reworked and then worked again, and I do believe that "my" pursuit of "my" desire and "my" pleasure is the purest form of "my" slavery, subsumption, and repression.
“I” am subjected to “my desire”, and this is not a statement of ascesis or morality or renunciation of the senses or the self.
I don’t want to talk about desire and I definitely do not want to effervesce about it.
I want to problematize "desire" – I want to throw up obstacles to it and create distances from it.
Desire is making desire, not having it.
I am coming to think that both "repression" and "subsumption" are conditions of being unable to make desire.